Host: Let me set the stage for you here. You’re going to that senior’s cocktail party. It’s bingo night, you’re looking for something to wear. How about a 13 carat panzotopanzanite ring? This is— Oh, we got a caller already on this one! Hello, sir, you must be a a fan of panzotopanzanite.

(On phone) Stan: Yeah, hi, um, you should kill yourself?

Host: What’s that?

Stan: I said you should kill yourself? What you do is sort of… unjustifiable… and you know it’s unjustifiable… and you don’t care… you’re the definition of evil. Kill yourself.

Host: Okay, we’re gonna sell this ring for just $3,795.00. How’s that?

Stan: I just read that the day shopping networks make most of their money is on the day seniors pick up social security checks. Kill yourself.

Host: Alright, well, you shouldn’t say things like that ‘cause some host of a jewelry channel might up and do it and then you’d feel really bad.

Stan: No, I wouldn’t.

Host: Yes you would.

Stan: No, because I really want you to kill yourself.

Host: Alright, well how about this? If a jewelry network host goes home tonight and blows his brains out, you might be liable. That’s a lawsuit worth… $2.7 million dollars, how’s that sound?

Stan: I don’t care what happens to me, I care about my grandfather, you morally empty, corrupted maggot.

*Silence*

Host: Alright I’ll tell you what. I’ll bring the lawsuit down to twenty-nine thirty-nine—

Stan: It doesn’t matter what price you put on anything. Your only chance to right the wrongs you’ve done, and repay all the elderly people whose lives you’ve destroyed, is to kill yourself.

Host: Well you think it’s funny, but that’s— that’s callin’ up and telling someone to kill themself that’s not a joke.

Stan: I’m not joking. Do it.